Once upon a time, there was a handsome prince who lived on a building site, with lots of very croaky frogs, in South West France. He lived with his parents, King Nick (aka Old Nick) and Queen Jackie, who were trying to convert the building site into a chateau; but being royalty of the ex-NHS variety (more dash than cash), were doing most of the work themselves. This is where Prince Kieran comes into the tale; a talented, hardworking young man, not usually given to romantic attachments, an expert digger driver and mender-of-all-things.He had volunteered (yes – really!) to live with the eccentric couple, helping them, until the building work was completed.

One day Kieran asked the king if he could borrow the royal carriage to visit the Princess Alice in a nearby town. “If you want to visit the Princess Alice, you must first complete three tasks” said Old Nick. “The first task is to install electricity and clean out the swimming pool so that it’s fit for use if ever we get any summer weather this year. Your second task is to help me fit two more velux windows, and your third task is to design and build a piece of modern art inspired by music of the 80s; but this is to be no ordinary work of art – it must also be useful.  If you do all this, you will be free to visit the princess at the weekend.”

So Prince Kieran set to work, digging housing for electric cabling, scrubbing the pool, cleaning the filter and yes – removing the goose! He helped the King with the velux windows, even when the rain poured in through the hole in the roof, soaking them both to the skin. And the king had to admit that his work of art was indeed inspired – and useful, so the prince was given the keys, but not for the royal carriage; Old Nick and Queen Jackie needed that for a very important visit to see their friend, the Emperor Adrian for a photoshoot of his band (more of that later).

Kieran could only hope that the princess would be charmed when he turned up in a 30-year-old rustbucket and would put it down to English eccentricity.